If you’re someone who likes to go about things on your own and who generally doesn’t need (or want) help from others, then we have something in common. Do you find that you don’t rely on a lot of people because you know you can do things by yourself? If so, then welcome to the club.
I’m here to talk about what it’s like to be super independent and driven and how it can sometimes affect the things/people around you. I know there’s others out there like me so I’m writing this to say that “I GET IT”, I’m with you and I understand your self sufficient (sometimes overwhelming) ways.
For some (not all), once you’re in the habit of doing things for yourself and by yourself, it’s tough to change your tendencies and see the overall effects of your independence on others and the situations you come into contact with. Most of the time when you’re fiercely self reliant you tackle things head on and almost get tunnel vision when you set your sights on what you want. For me, I find that I have no problem diving into things at full speed and I’m realizing now that to a lot of people, it can be overwhelming and shocking to them when this plays out. Oops.
Us go-getters usually have an easy sense of knowing what we want and when we want it and sometimes we forget the word “patience”…which can be a bit troublesome. We are generally so used to accomplishing things quickly because we’ll work our asses off for it non-stop until it’s done and sometimes it’s hard for us to comprehend that some things just take time and can’t be done or figured out overnight. To people who like to analyze things and take their time to weigh out options, this approach can come across as severe and overbearing, and it’s definitely not intentional from our side of things. We just always have a sense of urgency and base our successes on the timeline created in our minds, whether it’s realistic or not.
A lot of people who are self reliant also possess a bit of a Type A personality and I’m definitely no exception. I know that I can be outgoing, competitive and somewhat assertive and I try to do a million things at once. As hard as I try to keep it all altogether, it doesn’t take long for cracks to start forming. Balancing things has never been my strong suit and I get easily consumed with focusing my time and energy on one main priority, all the while juggling five other things. It’s exhausting and yet another learning curve for me. Which, yes I’m working on…slowly.
When you spend a lot of time alone (I’m all about that hermit life), it’s easy to want to fill your time up with as much as possible and focus in on your goals and fantasies. It consumes us, and it’s really no fault of our own, it’s just how we are. We often make our minds up right away of how we want things to play out and we often don’t think about the outside factors that might come into affect. Everything is usually full speed ahead until reality kicks in and stops us in our tracks, and I’m telling you from experience that it’s a tough pill to swallow. When you’re super self-sufficient you often only think about how YOU will attain your goal and unfortunately you don’t always take other people into consideration. Which again, is never on purpose and when we recognize it, we usually feel bad about it. It’s easy for us to think that others share the same mindset as we do and that usually causes some friction and miscommunication.
Taking this into consideration and recognizing it, has given me (and hopefully others) the chance to gain some clarity on our ways and it can teach us how to reel our actions in and use them to their full potential. I know that I need to practice patience and trust the timing of things more often and that I need to quit getting ahead of myself. It’s a slow process but learning to take a step back can sometimes pay off in the long run. More often than not we have a picture in our minds of how we WANT things to be and we get very discouraged when those visions don’t materialize right away or if at all. It’s taken me a long time to learn that I can’t control everything and that sometimes the best thing you can do is loosen your grip and hope for the best.
So to all you independent, focused, freewheeling people out there, I get you and I hope that you take the time to see things from other people’s points of views because sometimes they can offer a lot of insight. There’s always different ways to improve upon yourself and I hope you all take the time to do so, no matter your personality. Yes, it’s great to be self sufficient but sometimes you need to relax and learn to let things play out. You cannot control each and every event that comes into your life, and that’s OKAY. Learn to breathe, trust the process and allow things to happen how they’re supposed to. Yes, it can be difficult, but periods of growth and change usually are and they’re definitely worth it in the end.