I’ve gone back and forth about writing this the last couple days but recent events had me thinking f*ck that, just do it. I’m not sure if this will support my cause or put my baggage on display but at this point I don’t really give a damn. It’s something I’ve wanted to talk about, so I will. Here goes nothing…
This is an open letter to the next (poor) soul who comes into my life and some things he should know. I’m independent, strong willed and set in my ways (like most single women) so I feel like this can be applied to a lot more people than just me. Take note fellas, you might just learn something…
Please don’t waste my time.
I’m a busy person. I run a business, a house, wrangle a toddler 24/7 and attempt to work out and keep my sanity by staying close to my friends and family. I don’t get much free time and when I do, I have it planned out well in advance on how I’ll be spending it. If you expect me to give up my sacred time to myself, then you need to be pretty special. I have no issue with meeting someone new every once in a while because I’ll know right away if it’s going somewhere or not (call it a sixth sense if you will). But on the off chance you capture my interest and I agree to see you again, please know that I don’t tolerate games or wishy-washy feelings. I’ve dealt with enough people to know that if you absolutely want someone you’ll do what you can to keep them. So if you’re on the fence still, I’ll do you a favour and part ways. It comes down to you’re either doing this or not, because I have other shit I could be doing *applause from single women everywhere*
Please be patient.
I’ve been by myself for a long time and trust me, I’ve got quite a routine down. Allowing someone to come in and change things up isn’t going to be easy for me. I’m going to be a work in progress and you’ve got to be prepared to deal with that. Being vulnerable and letting you in is going to take some time. I’m going to want to keep it casual at first and if you’re persistent (and interesting) enough I might slowly take my walls down. You have to be ready to take things slowly and if you lose interest in the process, no hard feelings. I need someone who is going to hang tight and allow me to get comfortable with the idea of a relationship again.
Make your motives known.
In this day and age with dating apps (yes, I’m talking about Tinder) and hookups being the norm, make it known right off the bat what you’re looking for. Revert back to my first statement and don’t waste my time. Be up front and get it out in the open. That way it’s easier to proceed and there’s no weird, “what are we doing” or “what are we” conversations later on. Plus, then we’re on the same page and not left with one of us taking it more seriously than the other. I can’t stress enough how important honesty is, even in the beginning.
And lastly, be consistent.
Don’t start off strong and interested and get my hopes up, to only turn around and go missing. If you find you’re losing the spark and not digging it anymore, just say so. It gives me the chance to delete your number and carry on (too harsh? Nah.) And please, stay consistent with your actions. I’ve learned the hard way that actions speak louder than words so until you consistently follow through with what you promise and say, I’ll be holding off on my excitement. Show me that you say what you mean and mean what you say and you’ll get somewhere.
Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I know not every person or situation is like this, but I’m going off of experience here. Do I hope that some hidden, eligible bachelors read this and are up for the challenge of winning my heart? Well duh. But I feel like so many people don’t understand what it’s like for someone who’s been by themselves for so long to approach the idea of dating and relationships again. We generally have a reason for taking time away from that part of our lives and when we are ready to dive back in, it’s not going to be an easy transition. Keep that in mind.
So there you have it. I wish you all the best of luck in your pursuit of finding the perfect partner and hopefully you aren’t settling for the first person who crosses your path (unless they’re amazing and your soulmate) just because you’ve been by yourself for a while. Take your time, enjoy being on your own and be open to the fact that there are good people out there who will compliment your life.
Just be patient xoxox