Eek, I let some time pass since the last time I wrote. Oops! In my defense, the past month has been quite the experience and I just haven’t had the time to sit and write freely. So here we are!
Alright, so in the past month we had quite the Mercury Retrograde (which lasted until April 15th), and whether you believe in that stuff or not, I sure as hell felt like it affected me. It was either that or else I was just prone to partake in some more stressful moments…who knows. Either way, I’ve never felt so exhausted, stressed or emotional for that long before. For reals. I kind of felt like my life was in turmoil and as much as I tried to, I just could not catch a break. Which I’m sure you’ve all experienced before, whether or not a planet was in retrograde. It was like I was trying to keep a positive mindset but I just kept getting knocked down. It was as if the Universe was scoffing at me like, “Oh you think this is going to work out? WELL NOPE guess again sister!” It was rough to say the least.
In the span of a month I learned a great deal from these shitty situations, such as: don’t get ahead of yourself, people won’t always be on the same page as you, always have a back up plan, don’t rely on technology and for the love of God ask for support or help when you need it. This was a big one, I vented…A LOT to people (sorry guys, I promise I’ll do the same for you one day) because tackling things alone doesn’t help anybody. But most of all, I got a great look at my self worth throughout it all. Turns out, nobody else can dictate that and that was a tough, yet much needed conclusion to come to.
But you know me, and know that not all bad times last forever. I am happy to report that things are once again balancing out and the previously shitty weeks are dissipating from my memory. Thank christ. It took some pretty uncomfortable situations to open my eyes up AGAIN, and I’m going to go with the fact that I had to partake in these activities in order to grow and learn. Story of my life really. During those weeks, it sucked. I was pissed off and thought the world was out to get me. Now? I see that I had to endure them in order to get my shit together and get a better grip on what I want out of life and who I want in my life. Ohhh those wonderful “teaching moments”…you gotta love ’em.
I realized that I couldn’t allow someone else’s actions/thoughts to affect my own. I have no control over someone else’s feelings or how they behave, so why should I focus my time and energy on them? This one has been a work in progress for quite some time, but it REALLY stuck out during those couple weeks from hell. I didn’t hang on and try to control or cling to something that wasn’t going to happen, which was a big improvement for me. I had a moment (meltdown?), felt bad for myself for a day then said “screw it, I’m a bad ass who deserves the best” and carried on. And yes I actually did say this to myself. A girls gotta give herself a pep talk every once in a while! Don’t knock it until you try it.
I think what it came down to was that when you’re faced with rejection or something doesn’t work out the way you thought it would, you immediately think that there must be something wrong with YOU. Which totally isn’t the case. You instantly start thinking about what you could have done differently, if you should’ve acted differently, or if you could’ve somehow missed something along the way. But guess what? It doesn’t matter what you did. Your self worth doesn’t increase or decrease because of another person or situation. I hate to burst your bubble, but other people don’t have that kind of control. You will always be you, albeit you might be learning and growing along the way, but nobody, and I mean nobody is going to ever come along and change your worthiness.
I also think that we get into a habit of thinking we NEED to change in order to intrigue people or keep people in our lives. But this will never work in your favour. Ever. If someone (and this could be business related, relationship wise, friends etc.) doesn’t like how you are now or doesn’t “vibe” with you, then let them go. Do not (and I mean it) try to change who you are in order to keep them around. What’s meant to be will always stay (as cheesy as that sounds) so you have to allow people, things and situations to leave you because they were never meant for you in the first place. Once you let go of that control and desperation, I promise things will start looking up. Once you start focusing on what you actually WANT and getting specific with yourself on how you want your life to look, then those thoughts will start manifesting. You’ll attract more people in who “get you” and situations will come in that will help you flourish and grow. It may be uncomfortable in the beginning, but give it time.
Overall, just promise me you’ll ride out the tough times, you’ll lean on your friends if needed and you will not chase people or things, no matter how “great” you think they are for you. You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to be a part of your life, they should want to be there from the beginning (this holds true to friendships, relationships and business deals). Be true to yourself (again, cheesy, but relevant) and always know that you’re worthy of great things.
Stay sweet & talk soon xoxox