Just Be Patient They Said

I was unsure about writing this, but after hearing some other people talk about their wonderful world of dating I thought I should share my experiences thus far. It’s bound to give you a good chuckle I’m sure. In the past, lets say almost 2 years, I’ve had quite the time with this whole dating thing and some of the stories are just too good to not share. I’ve learned to laugh at the mishaps and take everything with a grain of salt, because there’s really no point in spending too much time agonizing over failed attempts of dating amiright? I apologize in advance to the guys who read this and who may or may not be the inspiration for this post. I won’t use real names obviously, but just know I’ve enjoyed this little journey and hey, no hard feelings okay? You’re all one of a kind. Also, you might want to get comfy, this post might be a *tad* longer than usual…

Anyways, before I dive in I should explain that I’m extremely picky, I have a tendency to fall into the same patterns with men and I’ve honestly never been more befuddled by the opposite sex in my whole life. This has been such an eye opener for me, considering I never did the whole dating thing when I was younger, so having to meet new people and realizing that not everyone is raised with common sense or decency has been quite the time. Not to say that every encounter has been awful, because they haven’t been, but after each failed date they have helped me to realize what I do and do not want in a potential partner. So that’s a step in the right direction. Right? Right.

Alright, so I know you’re waiting for some hot goss but bear with me here, I have some more to talk about before I get into the nitty gritty details. Let me first explain that dating is dating. You don’t have to settle and jump all in with the first person you go for supper with (yes that took a while to learn) and you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty about going on a few dates in a short period of time. Or even chatting with a few people at once. We’re allowed to see what our options are and until someone drops the whole “hey are we exclusive” talk (do people still do that?) then you’re free to explore and have awkward conversations over a good old vodka water *with a slice of lime*. You’re kidding yourself if you think I agree to these dates without something to take the edge off. Come on now.

Now that I have a solid 20 couple, maybe more dates under my belt (not literally, keep your heads out of the gutter) I’d like to think I have a better idea of how this dating game works. Or at least I’ve come to see some patterns and themes, which is likely more on me than the well meaning men who attempt to take me out. I’m still laughing as I type this by the way. Please try to remember that this is not a serious post and is more a chance to find some humor in my dating misfortunes.

Okay, on with it. So THEMES. Well for one I’ve been prone to plan a date with someone, where it either crashes and burns within the first 10 minutes and I can’t wait for it to be over, or they don’t show up (yes this happens) and all of a sudden out of the blue it’s like a magnet…BAM some random person who I didn’t expect to see or hang out with, shows up and attempts to sweep me off my feet. Or I do the sweeping, it’s really a toss up. It’s like an internal alarm goes off within single men that I’ve briefly met before and they’re like “That girl there! She needs to have fun tonight…It’s my time to shine” and they proceed to waltz in and turn my night around with one strategically placed compliment after another. Keep in mind these men generally don’t stick around, they’re more of a “I’m here for a good time, not a long time”, which gives you a short lived confidence boost and leaves you scratching your head the next day going, “Wow, I did NOT see that coming”. I’m sure my initial date shared the same thoughts, but I really can’t say for sure because well, he didn’t make it to phase 2 of keeping in touch. Poor fella. This has literally happened more times than I thought it would. Which is another reason to not take dating seriously. You just never know what will happen. So much fun right? I hope you committed people are appreciating your person a little more right now…

Alright, ANOTHA ONE… I have the tendency to get involved with people who live far away. It’s ridiculous. And I’m working on it. Sort of. Okay, maybe not that hard, but that’s not the point here. It’s always by chance that I meet these people, hit it off with them and catch them damn feelings before taking into account that they live FREAKING FOREVER away from me. I kid you not, this has happened at least 5 times. I don’t know if it’s because I like a challenge, or the fact that it’s someone not from here and that’s exciting? But it never works out. At least it hasn’t yet. Still might give it a few more tries (haha why am I like this). My guess is that we all want someone who would put distance aside and make it work. They would show their ultimate commitment by not letting a few hours of travel stand between you and them and eventually they’d move in with you and you’d live happily ever after. I’m not asking for much here guys. It’s a modern day fairy tale. Getting the chance to say, “Oh so and so just liked me so much that he decided to move to be closer to me and give our relationship a chance” wouldn’t be awful. Crazy, yes, but definitely wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen. I’ll let you know how it works out when it finally does happens. Standby.

Okay, the last pattern, which hopefully you still want to hear about because damn this post is getting long and I’ve barely scratched the surface. So there’s two main types of men out there that you have to maneuver through in the dating world. First one being the “I know it’s only our first date but I want to create a life with you and make this official right now” kind of guy (who let me be clear, creates a sense of PANIC in me), and then there’s the second one, the “I’m going to talk to you lots, we’re going to hang out and have fun but I’ll likely tell you some BS excuse a month or two later that this can’t amount to anything” kind of guy. Both are suuuuuper fun to deal with (I really hope you’re picking up on my sarcasm right now) and I honestly can’t decide which one is worse because they both bring on their own sense of awkwardness and mixed emotions. The first one is usually hard to get rid of (that’s a whole other story for another time) and the second one generally disappears faster than you can say “Hey I’ve had a great time we should do that again…” It’s really a wild roller coaster ride out there people. Most times I’m stuck with thinking “How in the eff am I going to get out of this situation without hurting his feelings” or “Wow, that DID NOT pan out how I thought it would, was sure great meeting his friends and family though…” 

The best part though is that in between those two extremes are the ones who are there to just make you feel like a million bucks. You know, the ones who you have a mutual understanding with that this isn’t going to go anywhere but we might as well make the most of it right? They’re the fun guys. The ones who are ridiculously good looking, they’re hilarious, easy to be around and leave you wishing you could lock them down for the long haul. But alas, they’re just not meant to be that person for you. And you’re fine with that (kind of). These guys are usually the ones who give you that confidence boost that you need after a string of bad dates. They’re your *whispering* great white buffalo. They’re the ones who you’re just grateful to have been around and when you think about them you can’t help but smile. Of course you’ll likely not see them again, but the memories are good ones. These guys are few and far between and show up just when you need them to. You’ll get that extra motivation to stay in the dating world after meeting them because they remind you that you are a total catch and that there are good guys out there who are single too. Also, I should note that these guys usually live far away too…go figure.

Now I could keep going, but I’m going to cut it off there because wow, this post is LONG. If you’ve made it this far, I hope you got some entertainment out of it and hopefully you can or can’t relate to it, depends on where you’re at in life I guess. I could definitely go on a lot longer about each dating trial I’ve been on in the last 2 years, but maybe I’ll save that for a book idea later on. All in all, just know that if you’re in the dating scene, we’re all struggling through it and hoping that every time we swipe right or make eye contact in a bar that we’ll miraculously find our soulmate. So keep up the good fight and I hope all you single people out there have some fun this weekend. Enjoy your time alone, your routine, and the fact that you can do whatever the hell you want. As for you people who are coupled up, do us a favour and stop telling us to be patient and find some single friends to hook us up with already! We need all the help we can get.

…to be continued…

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Let It Go

There comes a time when you have to take a deep breath and move forward. It’s not easy, a lot of times it’s uncomfortable, fairly scary and the urge to stay within what’s familiar is SO STRONG. Recently I’ve had to let go of quite a bit. Mostly emotional stuff (thankfully) and as much as I didn’t want to, I’m glad I did. I’ve had to let go of a few people from my past, the picture I had in my mind of where I wanted to be by this age, my fear of the unknown, my self doubt and my idea that I had to do this all on my own. What I’ve learned is that when we finally loosen our grip on things that are no longer serving us, we allow so many more great opportunities to pour in.

But, the hardest part is recognizing that it’s time to let go. We often get stuck in the “oh if I just hold on a little longer, it’ll all work out how I want it to”, and more often than not, this just isn’t the case. Sometimes the things we cling to are the things that are slowing us down and stunting our progression. They’re familiar. They’re comfortable. And they’re all that we’ve known. Sometimes we don’t realize that we need to break loose and be open to the unknown chances laid out ahead of us. Getting comfortable can be the biggest downfall when it comes to personal growth and living out our full potential. You don’t want to “settle” and you sure as shit don’t want to be stuck living out a life you thought was supposed to be amazing when in reality it’s mundane and predictable.

In the midst of this I’ve also noticed that sometimes taking a risk and taking a break from future planning can do wonders for a person. If an opportunity comes up that seems incredible and fun, then just do it. Don’t think ahead, don’t stress about the future implications and just see it for how it is. If it makes you feel like a million bucks, then who cares. Let go of that need to control every situation and dragging it out longer than it needs to be. Embrace the moment, be present and then let it unfold at it’s own pace. Don’t put a ton of energy and time into something that wasn’t supposed to last a lifetime. Have some faith that if things are supposed to progress, then they will. This will minimize soooo much stress and unnecessary worry and will allow you to look at the bigger picture more easily. You shouldn’t have to force anything and you definitely shouldn’t put more effort into something than what you’re getting back. If it’s unbalanced and unequal, that usually is a good indication to take a step back and see how things play out. More often than not, once you retreat you’ll have better clarity of the situation and this will also determine whether it’s something that is meant to stick around or not.

All in all, you have total control of how you want to feel and what you want your life to look like. Do you want to be waiting on something/someone from your past and be missing out on all the great moments currently happening in your life? No. Do you want to be stuck settling for something/someone because you’re too scared of what the future holds? HELL NO. Trust yourself and know that sometimes the best thing you can do is put down your baggage, leave it in one spot and walk away from it. Go after what you want, you deserve it.

Brace Yourselves

I don’t think it’s just me when I say, “These last two months have been insane”. I’m not talking about worldly events but rather the situations that have taken place in our own personal lives. Anyone else dealt with weird circumstances, technology malfunctions, awkward conversations, surprise changes/delays and unexpected run ins with people? I feel like there’s been a whirlwind of slight chaos going on around me and now that the dust has settled and I’ve made it out in one piece there’s some major shifts about to take place. It’s as if I had a million and one “lessons” unfold that caused me to face some shit and it left me exhausted and spinning…and now there’s some HUGE (slightly uncomfortable) changes waiting to happen, which will likely bring on some pretty positive outcomes I’m sure, but this transition phase is kind of making my stress levels go through the roof. Ya feel me?

So before you come to the conclusion that I’m slightly crazy, hear me out. I’ve seen it with people around me and even my clients in the past couple months. They’ve had so many unexpected things take place in their lives and have had to own up to a lot of shit that was either put on the back burner or buried away. It’s as if we’ve all had to get a kick in the ass to release old fears and ideas and beliefs that were no longer serving us. Not to mention weeding out some people and making us take inventory of what we really want in life. Obviously it’s for a good reason, but when you’re in the midst of working through situations like that it can be pretty overwhelming. And honestly, I don’t think it’s done yet.

Change is in the air. It comes with this season and if you’re ready for it (and can accept it) it should be a fairly easy transition. Most people (and myself included) have been drug through some pretty heavy situations since this year started and I feel as if it’s all coming to a turning point finally. There’s some positive changes on the horizon but it’s almost as if we need that one final boost to really be open to them. A lot of people have some patterns to break, some fears to overcome and some action that needs to take place. More pressure will build up the longer we procrastinate and put these changes off (I’m very guilty of this) so the best thing to do is to dive right in and see what happens. You can’t bury your head in the sand and hope to emerge with everything solved and sorted out, because that’s not how this works. You have to get uncomfortable, you have to get real with yourself and you have to push fear aside and deal with what’s in front of you.

These formative moments aren’t meant to break us, but rather to expand us. It gives us the opportunity to see what we’re capable of and allows us to seize those favourable outcomes that we want so bad. Not to mention is helps us grow AND LEARN. These uncomfortable changes take place so that we can build on them and move further ahead and have the knowledge to make better and smarter decisions later on down the road. Look at them as building blocks that push you closer to achieving your best self. You can’t expect to have all the things you want in life if you’re consistently doing the same things, in the same place.

The best thing to do (if you too are feeling these waves of changes coming) is to allow them to happen and to be easy on yourself as they take place. Don’t overthink, don’t put yourself through unnecessary stress, and trust that these things are happening because there’s better outcomes coming your way. Everything happens for a reason (cliché I know) but the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll see and feel those positive changes that you’ve always wanted. Now is the time to put on a brave face and make shit happen. Wonderful moments lie ahead and are ready when you are. You just have to take that first step.

Be kind to yourself out there xoxox

Know Your Worth

Eek, I let some time pass since the last time I wrote. Oops! In my defense, the past month has been quite the experience and I just haven’t had the time to sit and write freely. So here we are!

Alright, so in the past month we had quite the Mercury Retrograde (which lasted until April 15th), and whether you believe in that stuff or not, I sure as hell felt like it affected me. It was either that or else I was just prone to partake in some more stressful moments…who knows. Either way, I’ve never felt so exhausted, stressed or emotional for that long before. For reals. I kind of felt like my life was in turmoil and as much as I tried to, I just could not catch a break. Which I’m sure you’ve all experienced before, whether or not a planet was in retrograde. It was like I was trying to keep a positive mindset but I just kept getting knocked down. It was as if the Universe was scoffing at me like, “Oh you think this is going to work out? WELL NOPE guess again sister!” It was rough to say the least.

In the span of a month I learned a great deal from these shitty situations, such as: don’t get ahead of yourself, people won’t always be on the same page as you, always have a back up plan, don’t rely on technology and for the love of God ask for support or help when you need it. This was a big one, I vented…A LOT to people (sorry guys, I promise I’ll do the same for you one day) because tackling things alone doesn’t help anybody. But most of all, I got a great look at my self worth throughout it all. Turns out, nobody else can dictate that and that was a tough, yet much needed conclusion to come to.

But you know me, and know that not all bad times last forever. I am happy to report that things are once again balancing out and the previously shitty weeks are dissipating from my memory. Thank christ. It took some pretty uncomfortable situations to open my eyes up AGAIN, and I’m going to go with the fact that I had to partake in these activities in order to grow and learn. Story of my life really. During those weeks, it sucked. I was pissed off and thought the world was out to get me. Now? I see that I had to endure them in order to get my shit together and get a better grip on what I want out of life and who I want in my life. Ohhh those wonderful “teaching moments”…you gotta love ’em.

I realized that I couldn’t allow someone else’s actions/thoughts to affect my own. I have no control over someone else’s feelings or how they behave, so why should I focus my time and energy on them? This one has been a work in progress for quite some time, but it REALLY stuck out during those couple weeks from hell. I didn’t hang on and try to control or cling to something that wasn’t going to happen, which was a big improvement for me. I had a moment (meltdown?), felt bad for myself for a day then said “screw it, I’m a bad ass who deserves the best” and carried on. And yes I actually did say this to myself. A girls gotta give herself a pep talk every once in a while! Don’t knock it until you try it.

I think what it came down to was that when you’re faced with rejection or something doesn’t work out the way you thought it would, you immediately think that there must be something wrong with YOU. Which totally isn’t the case. You instantly start thinking about what you could have done differently, if you should’ve acted differently, or if you could’ve somehow missed something along the way. But guess what? It doesn’t matter what you did. Your self worth doesn’t increase or decrease because of another person or situation. I hate to burst your bubble, but other people don’t have that kind of control. You will always be you, albeit you might be learning and growing along the way, but nobody, and I mean nobody is going to ever come along and change your worthiness.

I also think that we get into a habit of thinking we NEED to change in order to intrigue people or keep people in our lives. But this will never work in your favour. Ever. If someone (and this could be business related, relationship wise, friends etc.) doesn’t like how you are now or doesn’t “vibe” with you, then let them go. Do not (and I mean it) try to change who you are in order to keep them around. What’s meant to be will always stay (as cheesy as that sounds) so you have to allow people, things and situations to leave you because they were never meant for you in the first place. Once you let go of that control and desperation, I promise things will start looking up. Once you start focusing on what you actually WANT and getting specific with yourself on how you want your life to look, then those thoughts will start manifesting. You’ll attract more people in who “get you” and situations will come in that will help you flourish and grow. It may be uncomfortable in the beginning, but give it time.

Overall, just promise me you’ll ride out the tough times, you’ll lean on your friends if needed and you will not chase people or things, no matter how “great” you think they are for you. You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to be a part of your life, they should want to be there from the beginning (this holds true to friendships, relationships and business deals). Be true to yourself (again, cheesy, but relevant) and always know that you’re worthy of great things.

Stay sweet & talk soon xoxox

Old Habits Die Hard

Back to back blog posts…what the what.

So today I caught myself in the midst of an old thought pattern. One that I hadn’t had in YEARS. I had a rough night with Casey who was up multiple times, my alarm was set for 6AM and I was up with him at 4:30 and 5:30, so I did what any parent would do…I pressed the snooze button multiple times.

Now, I get to go to the gym twice a week. Tuesday and Thursday mornings are my time to go and sweat out some stress before work and I love it. Today though, that just didn’t happen. I don’t function well when I don’t get a full 8 hours of sleep and I get run down easily when that happens. I decided to take the day off and then that’s when it happened…

Panic. Guilt. Negative self talk. How am I supposed to reach my fitness goals if I only went to the gym once this week? When will I be able to make up the lost time and get back in there? How can I move my schedule around to fit in 45 minutes of weights and cardio today? It was instant stress I was creating for myself and my mood was off to a rough start first thing this morning.

Now, a few years ago (before Casey) I used to work out pretty intensively. I would be in the gym 6-7 times per week for at least an hour each time. I strictly ate vegetables and protein, completely cut out sugar and bread (well, mostly all carbs) and was constantly worrying about what I ate and when my next workout was. It consumed me. I thought I was balancing things well and that I was being HEALTHY, but in reality I had a VERY unhealthy relationship with my body and food. If I did indulge I always made sure to “work it off” the next day. Looking back at pictures I was very lean (and thin), but in my mind during that time I always had something to work on. I always felt like I had to keep up a certain image of being “skinny” and blonde (most likely due to the unhealthy relationship I was in) and I honestly wish I could go back and give my past self a hug and a sandwich.

Since I have been taking things more seriously in the gym lately I can feel those habits slowly starting to creep back in. Today was the first time though that it was very clear that they’re still lurking in my mind. It’s taken quite a few years to find a happy balance within my eating habits and workouts and it honestly kind of shocked me that that obsessive little voice was still in there. When you start to see results and get into a good groove of eating right and exercising it can sometimes become an obsession (at least for me, it WAS). I used to be addicted to seeing the changes in my body and challenging myself at each workout and it caused a lot of mental strain. It was never “enough” and I was skinny (I hate that term now by the way) and miserable…

This was 5 years ago, I may look “in shape” but I was self conscious & had low self esteem. The mind can play funny tricks on a person.

Thankfully, I recognized that red flag today before it spiraled out of control. I have worked SO HARD over the years to become comfortable with my body, size and shape and allowing myself to actually ENJOY food that I wasn’t going to allow that old mindset to set me back. I told myself that it’s okay to take a day off. That I can still feel good and make progress. That I’m HUMAN and sometimes shit happens and that it’s not the end of the world if I miss a workout. I no longer restrict myself when it comes to food and I don’t put myself through a guilt trip when I enjoy a dessert. I know it’s always going to be something for me to work on but the fact that I caught it before it escalated shows me that I have made progress and that I am on the right track. Phew.

And this is now. I’m not near as lean, but I’m strong, I’m happy and my confidence is high. Its been a happy change.

I’m at a place now where I work out when I can, I eat healthily 90% of the time and I actually enjoy having a “treat” every once in a while. My body has become a strong, safe place and despite the changes that have happened to it over the years, I love it a lot more now than when I was 30lbs lighter. Developing a healthy relationship with yourself won’t happen overnight, but it can be done. Make yourself a priority, seek help if you need to and above all else, know that you’re definitely not alone and that change is possible.

So here’s my encouragement to anyone else who might be struggling:

  • You are enough. You always will be.
  • Your weight won’t define you. You’re an amazing person and your weight won’t change that.
  • Life is too short to hate your body and to hide it. Own it & love it, you only get one.
  • Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters.
  • Life shouldn’t revolve around dieting and exercising. Go out and enjoy it.
  • NOBODY should make you feel ashamed about your body. If they do, ditch them.
  • Food isn’t the enemy. Seek balance. Eat your vegetables, but have the damn cookie if you want.
  • You don’t have flaws, you have unique attributes that make you, you. Embrace them.
  • And for God’s sake, LOVE YOURSELF. Fall in love with every single thing about yourself. It’s so, so worth it.

Enjoy the rest of your week friends xoxox

Go With the Flow

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted something…time has seriously gotten away from me. The last couple weeks, well actually all of March so far, has been busy and has thrown me a few new, interesting experiences. So to say I have been slightly preoccupied with them would be an understatement. Hurray for new experiences! Anyways, moving on to today’s topic…

So I’m a control freak. I admit it. I have a hard time allowing things to progress naturally and on their own and I have a tendency to want to make things hurry up and happen and control the outcome. Thankfullyyyyy I have learned that this approach doesn’t generally make situations better and can make them fall flat before they even take off. I always have the mentality that I should be DOING something and that if I’m not then there’s no way this situation will ever evolve. And this is wrong. Sometimes.

For the most part, I will agree that yes, if you want something to happen you need to at least put some effort into it (wishful thinking won’t produce an outcome) BUT sometimes once you’ve done your part, taking a step back can actually help it grow. Seems crazy, but let me elaborate…

Everything including relationships, friendships, businesses etc. all have their own way of progressing and sometimes they will take longer than what we typically want. The issue arises when we start to get impatient and FORCE things to move forward before they are ready to. We step in and alter the natural flow of things…which is a pretty big red flag. When we start to become fixated on the timeline of things and start to *slightly* panic, we often will try to take control of the situation (ahem…me) so that we can ease our worries and reach the finish line in record time. Unfortunately, this can mess with a few things. Sometimes things haven’t fallen into place yet, there’s still a few loose ends or if we’re talking about relationships here, the other person gets freaked out and bolts (just kidding…they just won’t text you back). It’s a struggle, especially if you’re someone like me who has a hard time sitting back and allowing things to unfold at their own pace. Luckily though, if you can overcome this desperate, impatient attitude then the rewards are pretty worthwhile…it just may take a while to release those feelings. Zoiks.

Of course I’ve been experimenting with this, there were a few areas in my life that I was CONSTANTLY trying to manipulate and change for the better but I wasn’t doing it with the right energy or mindset. I was worrying about it, I was desperate for this change and I was getting way too far ahead of myself. What I was putting out there were stressful thoughts about how badly I needed this change to occur and what I was being met with were multiple blocks and stalls in progress. It was beyond frustrating and I couldn’t figure out how to just LET IT GO. So I did what any other person would do….I said f*ck it, I’ll focus on what I do have right now and I don’t *care* if these others things happen (but I really did). I gave my mind a break and promised to just leave those wishful changes in the back of my mind for another time. I also took a leap of faith and started a vision board, because really, I had nothing to lose and I was exhausted from the mental stress that I was putting myself through.

And guess what? That damn board has worked (so far). The whole point of a vision board is to put images/pictures/mantras together of what you want for yourself and look at it every single day. You visualize your ideal life on a daily basis and this activates the good old Law of Attraction to bring in people, situations and resources that will help you move towards your goals. Cool right? It keeps you focused on WHAT you want to accomplish and engages you to start actively seeking out ways to make it a reality. I was pretty skeptical to begin with but within 2-3 weeks I started to notice changes. Things all of a sudden started falling into place business related and through a random outing I landed the number to quite an intriguing individual (the outcome of this is still unknown, so chill). What I’m getting at is that by doing this vision board I was able to still FEEL like I was doing something, WITHOUT forcing anything to happen. I allowed myself to just embrace that these things were coming and to carry on with a much more positive and hopeful attitude. Mindsets guys….it makes a difference I’m telling ya.

I now feel like I can allow things to flow and that as long as I keep putting my best foot forward and keep trying my best, what’s meant to happen, will. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to set my sights on what I want and to have that visual reminder everyday of how my life CAN (and will) look. Whether you’re a skeptic or not, and if you try this or not (you do you, I don’t care) I’m just giving you my side of things. Making progress and growing in all areas of life is my main goal (and that may differ from yours) so take what you need from this and apply what you want. Either way, I’m going to continue to “go with the flow” and see what happens. Give it a try, you just might like it 😉

Your Surroundings Matter

Most of you have probably heard of the saying “your vibe attracts your tribe” and whether you think it matters or it doesn’t, I’m here to convince you that it most certainly does matter. Allow me to explain…

♥ time to lose the people who are always the victim...those who steal from others and lie about it. Good people bring good energy.

When you consistently have people around you who focus in on the negative, who love nothing more than tearing people down and who always find a way to play “victim” and place blame on others, then guess what? It’s very likely that you’re feeling these things as well. When we allow our vibrations to be lowered, then that is what we ultimately attract. If you’re always down in the dumps, unhappy with your life and are dealing with bullshit on a daily basis, then you are more likely to surround yourself with people who feel the same way. Misery loves company and falling into this trap can REALLY squash your full potential. Seriously, if you feel like life has been tough on you and that you’re stuck in a fog of negative thoughts then I want you to look at the 5 people who you are closest with. Are they in the same boat? Do they have a tendency to be a negative Nancy? Are they constantly in a poor mood? If you said yes, then you may want to re-think your friendship/relationship with these people. Trust me on this one. I know you’re probably panicking and thinking “I can’t do that! They’re my friends! What will I do without them?!” but I want you to look at the bigger picture and focus in on your well being. Do these “friends” inspire you? Do they push you to be a better version of yourself? Do they leave you feeling uplifted or drained? It’s a form of self care to surround yourself with people who better you. It’s not selfish and it most certainly isn’t a bad thing. The moment you start to weed out the ones who bring your self-confidence down and start replacing them with people who motivate you, is the moment when you can start living more happily.

Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you, people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. - via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/08/08/10-ways-to-defend-yourself-against-negativity/

I’m telling you this because it’s something I have noticed and gone through over the years. I have a tendency to take on other people’s vibes/energies easily and if I’m constantly around someone who is negative then I will definitely start feeling that way too. BUT the same goes for when I surround myself with people who are bursting with positive, happy energy. I feed off of it. Nothing is more inspiring or motivating than being around someone who is driven, excited and passionate about life. That’s the kind of energy I want. I want to be able to have people around me that I can go to for a collaboration of ideas, who will push me out of my comfort zone and who will be just as proud and happy for my success as they are of their own. THESE are the people who you should be seeking as well. The ones who clap for you when you reach a milestone, the ones who give you pep talks when you’re doubting yourself and the ones who will pick you up and tell you to get your shit together because you deserve the best. They are the ones who will be there every step of the way, the ones who will bring out your highest potential, who will empower you and make you want to be a better person. Do not let these people go once you have found them. Having that exchange of energy will be the best thing for you. You will ultimately be in a friendship/relationship that allows EVERYONE to grow and that dear readers, is a very beautiful thing. This is something that most people strive for and something that they will cherish for their entire lives, it’s definitely not something that you take for granted.

Surround yourself with the right people.

Now, I’m writing this with (happy) tears in my eyes because I know that I have surrounded myself with some amazing people over the years. I’m lucky enough to have some incredibly successful, talented, driven people in my corner and lately, they have made me extremely proud. When I see a friend kill it in their career, their personal life or their goals, I BEAM with pride. Nothing makes me happier than to see my friends or family work their asses off and reap the rewards that they rightfully deserve. They are all so uplifting and because of them I have been able to turn my messy life around and get my feet back on solid ground. They inspire me everyday. And I’m not being dramatic or embellishing this (for reals). My people are ambitious educators, kind souls, fierce entrepreneurs, creators of art, vessels of immense knowledge and the kind of people who are (and will be) making a difference in our world. They look for ways to help one another out, they are the most selfless people I know and they are extremely humble with their many talents, which I greatly respect. Mutual respect is something I yearn for and look for in ALL my relationships/friendships and is usually a good indicator that I’m on the right track when it comes to who I allow into my life. Finding people who have mad respect for you correlates into having people who will build you up and encourage you to keep going, even when you don’t want to. And that is so important, I can’t stress that enough. Find those people and be prepared to watch your life change for the better.

Surround yourself with inspiring beings.

So I urge you to find a tribe that makes you feel like a ray of sunshine. People with different backgrounds, points of views and a drive to achieve their lists of goals. You decide who and where your energy goes, so choose wisely and put it towards people who will bring more greatness into your life. You owe it to yourself to have people cheering you on and helping you when you slip off track. Great friendships are a balance between giving and taking radiant, positive energy and you will never regret having people around you who are good for your well being. At the end of the day the choice is yours…but I strongly encourage you to find the ones who will light your soul on fire and who will help you build your road to success.

Take care out there peeps xoxox

and P.S….thanks to my band of people for inspiring this post, you know who you are 😉

An Open Letter

I’ve gone back and forth about writing this the last couple days but recent events had me thinking f*ck that, just do it. I’m not sure if this will support my cause or put my baggage on display but at this point I don’t really give a damn. It’s something I’ve wanted to talk about, so I will. Here goes nothing…

This is an open letter to the next (poor) soul who comes into my life and some things he should know. I’m independent, strong willed and set in my ways (like most single women) so I feel like this can be applied to a lot more people than just me. Take note fellas, you might just learn something…

Please don’t waste my time.

I’m a busy person. I run a business, a house, wrangle a toddler 24/7 and attempt to work out and keep my sanity by staying close to my friends and family. I don’t get much free time and when I do, I have it planned out well in advance on how I’ll be spending it. If you expect me to give up my sacred time to myself, then you need to be pretty special. I have no issue with meeting someone new every once in a while because I’ll know right away if it’s going somewhere or not (call it a sixth sense if you will). But on the off chance you capture my interest and I agree to see you again, please know that I don’t tolerate games or wishy-washy feelings. I’ve dealt with enough people to know that if you absolutely want someone you’ll do what you can to keep them. So if you’re on the fence still, I’ll do you a favour and part ways. It comes down to you’re either doing this or not, because I have other shit I could be doing *applause from single women everywhere*

Please be patient.

I’ve been by myself for a long time and trust me, I’ve got quite a routine down. Allowing someone to come in and change things up isn’t going to be easy for me. I’m going to be a work in progress and you’ve got to be prepared to deal with that. Being vulnerable and letting you in is going to take some time. I’m going to want to keep it casual at first and if you’re persistent (and interesting) enough I might slowly take my walls down. You have to be ready to take things slowly and if you lose interest in the process, no hard feelings. I need someone who is going to hang tight and allow me to get comfortable with the idea of a relationship again.

Make your motives known.

In this day and age with dating apps (yes, I’m talking about Tinder) and hookups being the norm, make it known right off the bat what you’re looking for. Revert back to my first statement and don’t waste my time. Be up front and get it out in the open. That way it’s easier to proceed and there’s no weird, “what are we doing” or “what are we” conversations later on. Plus, then we’re on the same page and not left with one of us taking it more seriously than the other. I can’t stress enough how important honesty is, even in the beginning.

And lastly, be consistent.

Don’t start off strong and interested and get my hopes up, to only turn around and go missing. If you find you’re losing the spark and not digging it anymore, just say so. It gives me the chance to delete your number and carry on (too harsh? Nah.) And please, stay consistent with your actions. I’ve learned the hard way that actions speak louder than words so until you consistently follow through with what you promise and say, I’ll be holding off on my excitement. Show me that you say what you mean and mean what you say and you’ll get somewhere.

Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I know not every person or situation is like this, but I’m going off of experience here. Do I hope that some hidden, eligible bachelors read this and are up for the challenge of winning my heart? Well duh. But I feel like so many people don’t understand what it’s like for someone who’s been by themselves for so long to approach the idea of dating and relationships again. We generally have a reason for taking time away from that part of our lives and when we are ready to dive back in, it’s not going to be an easy transition. Keep that in mind.

So there you have it. I wish you all the best of luck in your pursuit of finding the perfect partner and hopefully you aren’t settling for the first person who crosses your path (unless they’re amazing and your soulmate) just because you’ve been by yourself for a while. Take your time, enjoy being on your own and be open to the fact that there are good people out there who will compliment your life.

Just be patient xoxox

Behind the Scenes

I don’t like talking about my struggles or my problems. I’ll write about them, put them into perspective, find some silver lining and move forward, but I very rarely like to talk to someone about them. I’m sure most can relate. Talking about things you’re going through or dealing with makes you vulnerable and puts it all on display, which I don’t enjoy. I’m still learning that it’s okay to get emotional in front of people and be (slightly) comfortable with it. I don’t enjoy the attention it brings and the “hey it’ll get better” comments, because those generally don’t help the situation at the end of the day. I’ve opened up to a select few over the past couple months/years, and although it was tough to do, it was quite a relief once it was all said and done. I’m notorious for acting as if everything is fine (the I’M FINE moments are real) and carrying on throughout my day like it ain’t no thang. BUT unfortunately, that’s not always a great coping mechanism and isn’t all that healthy to do (slow learner here folks).

I'm not good at being vulnerable.. Perfectly fine and understanding with other peoples' vulnerability, but it's hard for me to be vulnerable.. I think it's partly because I think no one will want me if they know my life isn't perfect.

On a daily basis, I need to be upbeat and supportive, which I LOVE, but it does take quite a bit of energy out of person, especially when you finally get home and crumple up on the couch because you haven’t dealt with the emotional shit storm you’ve been hiding all day. I have a tendency to (sometimes) give pretty good advice to people and then completely ignore it for myself. Not such a smart thing to do. Please tell me I’m not alone in this! I think the issue being is that we don’t want to face things head on or take the time to deal with things because 1) It means you gotta get emotional and GET THAT SHIT OUT and 2) You might have to make some changes, and that can be uncomfortable. Ugh. I like to think I’m “tough” and that I can handle pretty much anything life throws at me, but at the same time, I don’t do well when I have a lot of emotions bottled up and it usually has some pretty harsh effects on me (hello exhaustion and mood swings). It’s just not fun. Or worth it.

Plus, now as a parent I want to convey that “Hey! Emotions are normal and should be expressed, please tell me when something is wrong so I can try to help you”. Which in reality, if I’m not practicing this myself, there’s no way I could expect Casey to do the same. Parenting changes your thought processes, trust me on this one. So being open and expressing things has become a bit more “normal” and not as taboo. I think so many of us are apt to shoving thoughts and feelings away in hopes that they’ll stay down forever, only to find them all burst open at the same time, leaving you in a mess of tears, anger, sadness and mental exhaustion. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a shit storm, so don’t mess around with it. I want expression to be a part of the household so that if/when things get tough or scary or hard in the future, it’s seen as a safe outlet and a way for me to be in the know of things. One of my biggest fears is having Casey grow up and feel like he can’t come to me with any issues or problems, so setting the stage now that it’s okay to show your feelings and emotions is one of my priorities. And it should be yours too.

❀ pin: shakirawrightt ❀ More

If something is going on in your personal life, address it. If something is going on in the workplace, address it (but be professional). If something is going on within your family or friends, ADDRESS IT. Even if it’s uncomfortable, if the truth is hard to hear or express, or if it means it sets the pace for mass change to happen, just go with it. Hiding your true feelings only backfires in the end. You’re going to be miserable and that’s a HUGE waste of time. Being open and honest and talking things out (calmly) will always have far better results than pretending everything is “fine” and low key hating whatever situation you’re in. Yes, it’s scary to do, but when the dust settles, you’ll feel soooooo much better. How do I know this? Well my friends because I’ve been through it. A couple times actually (unfortunately?). And yeah it’ll make your heart race, you’ll have some anxiety about it and you may or may not feel like you want to puke, but once you’ve dealt with it and were able to come to a better conclusion, you’ll forget about those yucky feelings you had in the beginning. It’s well worth it. Unless of course you can tackle these kinds of things without feeling like a mess to begin with, then well…I applaud you (please teach me your ways).

We’re not meant to be robots. No matter how hard we try, thoughts and feelings pop up because we are meant to deal with them and learn from them. Sure, by all means you can try to suppress them. Go right ahead. But trust me when I say this…THEY WILL COME BACK and probably with a vengeance because you mixed them all together with other things you didn’t want to deal with (again…two words: Shit. Storm). So do yourself a favour and if there’s something nagging you or something you need to get off your chest, go to someone you trust, hire a counselor/therapist or take a bottle of wine over to your friends to vent over, just don’t keep that crap in. Our time should be spent enjoying our lives and being happy (I know, that’s so “millennial” of me), but seriously, you will waste a lot of time if you’re constantly trying to deal with things on your own and feeling anxious/sad/unhappy/lonely/angry etc. Address these emotions, find out why you’re feeling this way (maybe you already know why) and open up to someone who can offer you advice or help. Then follow through. You don’t have to struggle on your own, I know it can be a pride/ego thing sometimes, but set that aside and if you need to cry, then cry. You’ll be amazed at how many will come to you and say “Why didn’t you come to me when you needed help” and they will genuinely feel bad that you didn’t see them as an outlet. So find that person or people and tell them you need to talk/vent/rant whatever and I promise you won’t regret it. You need those kinds of people in your life and you will be grateful for them during those tough times.

So thank you to those who I have “vented” to in the last little while, you guys are the real MVP’s…you know you who are…and know that I’m here as well if you ever need anything. Plus, I’m really good at giving hugs…so there’s that.

Anways, be kind and remember, you’re only human and you’re doing great.

xoxox

In All Honesty…

Okay so this has been nagging at me. I realize I haven’t been completely honest, especially with my writing and thoughts on here. I keep a journal at home where I write everything and anything, with no holding back. I love it. It’s freeing and I always feel a sense of relief when I am done (I highly suggest doing this, especially if you’re in a piss poor mood or have a lot to get off your chest). Now, I’ve wanted to write like that on here for a long time. Probably since I started this blog. But alas, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because of fear (big surprise) of unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings, offending someone, coming across too harsh or blunt and all those wonderful kinds of things. By keeping things semi-vague and “general” I realize I haven’t been true to myself and it’s making it harder for me to write something that I am happy with. Like my last post. It was mediocre. I tried to keep it less personal and more audience based, so that it would fit a broader group of people. And I wasn’t a huge fan of it. I find I receive better reviews and comments on the more “emotional & real” posts and those are the ones that stir up some kind of fire-y passion and excitement. Plus, they are also the ones I like to write the most. They usually end up being brought to life because I’m feeling excited, fed up, extra confident and proud or any other intense emotion, which then correlates into having the zero f*cks given attitude and a blog post expressing my latest thoughts (rants?).

Be Fearlessly Authentic — June Letters Studio

Obviously the thought of writing something on the internet for all to see is a bit concerning, especially when it comes to certain topics, so that’s probably been my biggest “be careful” reminder. BUT I want to be real, I want to talk about what’s on my mind, going on in my life and make it as relatable as possible. If that sometimes means I drop an f-bomb or convey my true emotions, then so be it. I always feel like I’m being too careful when it comes to my blog posts and for me, it’s just not authentic. I always worry about what people will think, if I’ll be judged for having a “cut the shit” attitude or be perceived as something I am not. But I suppose at the end of the day, all of that will happen no matter if I write on here or not. Whether people like me or they don’t, if they’re reading my blog, they’re a fan just like everybody else.

I own every ounce of who I am. The only thing more free is being able to own that you're not always excepted or understood by all. I'm completely okay with that :)

The people I admire the most are the ones who are completely and truly themselves. They don’t care what people will or do think about them. They never hold back and they always mean what they say. They showcase their flaws, are open about who they are and don’t give two shits whether someone thinks they’re being “too much” or “not enough”.  They live with no regrets, just straight up honesty and truth. And I want that. I want to be able to out right say that sometimes I feel like a crap Mom because my kid will only eat carbs and cheese for supper 9 times out of 10, or the fact that sometimes I’ll attempt to watch a romantic comedy and my emotions will range from “WHY CAN’T I FIND A LOVE LIKE THAT” all while ugly crying to “those fools, love is for idiots” all while planning my future of no commitments. OR that half the time I have no idea what the hell I’m doing and I’m hoping to just fake it until I make it. It’s things like that that I want to start expressing. We (I) get so caught up on seeing all the “perfect” lives on social media and I have had a few moments of wondering how these people can live so flawlessly and easy. But that’s because they don’t show it all. And you dear readers, are going to be the lucky souls who get to see ALL of the mysteries in my life *cue nervous laughter*.

I’m not setting out to disrespect anyone, call anyone out personally or create chaos. I just want to simply write what I feel and feel what I write. So I guess this is just a “warning” for all future posts that they will be much more personal and REAL. Before, I tried shaping my experiences into a tone that could be applied to anyone. Now, I want to keep it personal and allow everyone to draw out their own reactions and feelings from it. It’s a different way of doing things and maybe it’ll work out well or maybe I’ll go back to keeping it “general”, who knows. January seems like a great time for trial runs, so fingers crossed you enjoy this new path as much as I do.

Cheers! xoxox