Your Surroundings Matter

Most of you have probably heard of the saying “your vibe attracts your tribe” and whether you think it matters or it doesn’t, I’m here to convince you that it most certainly does matter. Allow me to explain…

β™₯ time to lose the people who are always the victim...those who steal from others and lie about it. Good people bring good energy.

When you consistently have people around you who focus in on the negative, who love nothing more than tearing people down and who always find a way to play “victim” and place blame on others, then guess what? It’s very likely that you’re feeling these things as well. When we allow our vibrations to be lowered, then that is what we ultimately attract. If you’re always down in the dumps, unhappy with your life and are dealing with bullshit on a daily basis, then you are more likely to surround yourself with people who feel the same way. Misery loves company and falling into this trap can REALLY squash your full potential. Seriously, if you feel like life has been tough on you and that you’re stuck in a fog of negative thoughts then I want you to look at the 5 people who you are closest with. Are they in the same boat? Do they have a tendency to be a negative Nancy? Are they constantly in a poor mood? If you said yes, then you may want to re-think your friendship/relationship with these people. Trust me on this one. I know you’re probably panicking and thinking “I can’t do that! They’re my friends! What will I do without them?!” but I want you to look at the bigger picture and focus in on your well being. Do these “friends” inspire you? Do they push you to be a better version of yourself? Do they leave you feeling uplifted or drained? It’s a form of self care to surround yourself with people who better you. It’s not selfish and it most certainly isn’t a bad thing. The moment you start to weed out the ones who bring your self-confidence down and start replacing them with people who motivate you, is the moment when you can start living more happily.

Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you, people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. - via:

I’m telling you this because it’s something I have noticed and gone through over the years. I have a tendency to take on other people’s vibes/energies easily and if I’m constantly around someone who is negative then I will definitely start feeling that way too. BUT the same goes for when I surround myself with people who are bursting with positive, happy energy. I feed off of it. Nothing is more inspiring or motivating than being around someone who is driven, excited and passionate about life. That’s the kind of energy I want. I want to be able to have people around me that I can go to for a collaboration of ideas, who will push me out of my comfort zone and who will be just as proud and happy for my success as they are of their own. THESE are the people who you should be seeking as well. The ones who clap for you when you reach a milestone, the ones who give you pep talks when you’re doubting yourself and the ones who will pick you up and tell you to get your shit together because you deserve the best. They are the ones who will be there every step of the way, the ones who will bring out your highest potential, who will empower you and make you want to be a better person. Do not let these people go once you have found them. Having that exchange of energy will be the best thing for you. You will ultimately be in a friendship/relationship that allows EVERYONE to grow and that dear readers, is a very beautiful thing. This is something that most people strive for and something that they will cherish for their entire lives, it’s definitely not something that you take for granted.

Surround yourself with the right people.

Now, I’m writing this with (happy) tears in my eyes because I know that I have surrounded myself with some amazing people over the years. I’m lucky enough to have some incredibly successful, talented, driven people in my corner and lately, they have made me extremely proud. When I see a friend kill it in their career, their personal life or their goals, I BEAM with pride. Nothing makes me happier than to see my friends or family work their asses off and reap the rewards that they rightfully deserve. They are all so uplifting and because of them I have been able to turn my messy life around and get my feet back on solid ground. They inspire me everyday. And I’m not being dramatic or embellishing this (for reals). My people are ambitious educators, kind souls, fierce entrepreneurs, creators of art, vessels of immense knowledge and the kind of people who are (and will be) making a difference in our world. They look for ways to help one another out, they are the most selfless people I know and they are extremely humble with their many talents, which I greatly respect. Mutual respect is something I yearn for and look for in ALL my relationships/friendships and is usually a good indicator that I’m on the right track when it comes to who I allow into my life. Finding people who have mad respect for you correlates into having people who will build you up and encourage you to keep going, even when you don’t want to. And that is so important, I can’t stress that enough. Find those people and be prepared to watch your life change for the better.

Surround yourself with inspiring beings.

So I urge you to find a tribe that makes you feel like a ray of sunshine. People with different backgrounds, points of views and a drive to achieve their lists of goals. You decide who and where your energy goes, so choose wisely and put it towards people who will bring more greatness into your life. You owe it to yourself to have people cheering you on and helping you when you slip off track. Great friendships are a balance between giving and taking radiant, positive energy and you will never regret having people around you who are good for your well being. At the end of the day the choice is yours…but I strongly encourage you to find the ones who will light your soul on fire and who will help you build your road to success.

Take care out there peeps xoxox

and P.S….thanks to my band of people for inspiring this post, you know who you are πŸ˜‰


An Open Letter

I’ve gone back and forth about writing this the last couple days but recent events had me thinking f*ck that, just do it. I’m not sure if this will support my cause or put my baggage on display but at this point I don’t really give a damn. It’s something I’ve wanted to talk about, so I will. Here goes nothing…

This is an open letter to the next (poor) soul who comes into my life and some things he should know. I’m independent, strong willed and set in my ways (like most single women) so I feel like this can be applied to a lot more people than just me. Take note fellas, you might just learn something…

Please don’t waste my time.

I’m a busy person. I run a business, a house, wrangle a toddler 24/7 and attempt to work out and keep my sanity by staying close to my friends and family. I don’t get much free time and when I do, I have it planned out well in advance on how I’ll be spending it. If you expect me to give up my sacred time to myself, then you need to be pretty special. I have no issue with meeting someone new every once in a while because I’ll know right away if it’s going somewhere or not (call it a sixth sense if you will). But on the off chance you capture my interest and I agree to see you again, please know that I don’t tolerate games or wishy-washy feelings. I’ve dealt with enough people to know that if you absolutely want someone you’ll do what you can to keep them. So if you’re on the fence still, I’ll do you a favour and part ways. It comes down to you’re either doing this or not, because I have other shit I could be doing *applause from single women everywhere*

Please be patient.

I’ve been by myself for a long time and trust me, I’ve got quite a routine down. Allowing someone to come in and change things up isn’t going to be easy for me. I’m going to be a work in progress and you’ve got to be prepared to deal with that. Being vulnerable and letting you in is going to take some time. I’m going to want to keep it casual at first and if you’re persistent (and interesting) enough I might slowly take my walls down. You have to be ready to take things slowly and if you lose interest in the process, no hard feelings. I need someone who is going to hang tight and allow me to get comfortable with the idea of a relationship again.

Make your motives known.

In this day and age with dating apps (yes, I’m talking about Tinder) and hookups being the norm, make it known right off the bat what you’re looking for. Revert back to my first statement and don’t waste my time. Be up front and get it out in the open. That way it’s easier to proceed and there’s no weird, “what are we doing” or “what are we” conversations later on. Plus, then we’re on the same page and not left with one of us taking it more seriously than the other. I can’t stress enough how important honesty is, even in the beginning.

And lastly, be consistent.

Don’t start off strong and interested and get my hopes up, to only turn around and go missing. If you find you’re losing the spark and not digging it anymore, just say so. It gives me the chance to delete your number and carry on (too harsh? Nah.) And please, stay consistent with your actions. I’ve learned the hard way that actions speak louder than words so until you consistently follow through with what you promise and say, I’ll be holding off on my excitement. Show me that you say what you mean and mean what you say and you’ll get somewhere.

Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I know not every person or situation is like this, but I’m going off of experience here. Do I hope that some hidden, eligible bachelors read this and are up for the challenge of winning my heart? Well duh. But I feel like so many people don’t understand what it’s like for someone who’s been by themselves for so long to approach the idea of dating and relationships again. We generally have a reason for taking time away from that part of our lives and when we are ready to dive back in, it’s not going to be an easy transition. Keep that in mind.

So there you have it. I wish you all the best of luck in your pursuit of finding the perfect partner and hopefully you aren’t settling for the first person who crosses your path (unless they’re amazing and your soulmate) just because you’ve been by yourself for a while. Take your time, enjoy being on your own and be open to the fact that there are good people out there who will compliment your life.

Just be patient xoxox

Behind the Scenes

I don’t like talking about my struggles or my problems. I’ll write about them, put them into perspective, find some silver lining and move forward, but I very rarely like to talk to someone about them. I’m sure most can relate. Talking about things you’re going through or dealing with makes you vulnerable and puts it all on display, which I don’t enjoy. I’m still learning that it’s okay to get emotional in front of people and be (slightly) comfortable with it. I don’t enjoy the attention it brings and the “hey it’ll get better” comments, because those generally don’t help the situation at the end of the day. I’ve opened up to a select few over the past couple months/years, and although it was tough to do, it was quite a relief once it was all said and done. I’m notorious for acting as if everything is fine (the I’M FINE moments are real) and carrying on throughout my day like it ain’t no thang. BUT unfortunately, that’s not always a great coping mechanism and isn’t all that healthy to do (slow learner here folks).

I'm not good at being vulnerable.. Perfectly fine and understanding with other peoples' vulnerability, but it's hard for me to be vulnerable.. I think it's partly because I think no one will want me if they know my life isn't perfect.

On a daily basis, I need to be upbeat and supportive, which I LOVE, but it does take quite a bit of energy out of person, especially when you finally get home and crumple up on the couch because you haven’t dealt with the emotional shit storm you’ve been hiding all day. I have a tendency to (sometimes) give pretty good advice to people and then completely ignore it for myself. Not such a smart thing to do. Please tell me I’m not alone in this! I think the issue being is that we don’t want to face things head on or take the time to deal with things because 1) It means you gotta get emotional and GET THAT SHIT OUT and 2) You might have to make some changes, and that can be uncomfortable. Ugh. I like to think I’m “tough” and that I can handle pretty much anything life throws at me, but at the same time, I don’t do well when I have a lot of emotions bottled up and it usually has some pretty harsh effects on me (hello exhaustion and mood swings). It’s just not fun. Or worth it.

Plus, now as a parent I want to convey that “Hey! Emotions are normal and should be expressed, please tell me when something is wrong so I can try to help you”. Which in reality, if I’m not practicing this myself, there’s no way I could expect Casey to do the same. Parenting changes your thought processes, trust me on this one. So being open and expressing things has become a bit more “normal” and not as taboo. I think so many of us are apt to shoving thoughts and feelings away in hopes that they’ll stay down forever, only to find them all burst open at the same time, leaving you in a mess of tears, anger, sadness and mental exhaustion. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a shit storm, so don’t mess around with it. I want expression to be a part of the household so that if/when things get tough or scary or hard in the future, it’s seen as a safe outlet and a way for me to be in the know of things. One of my biggest fears is having Casey grow up and feel like he can’t come to me with any issues or problems, so setting the stage now that it’s okay to show your feelings and emotions is one of my priorities. And it should be yours too.

❀ pin: shakirawrightt ❀ More

If something is going on in your personal life, address it. If something is going on in the workplace, address it (but be professional). If something is going on within your family or friends, ADDRESS IT. Even if it’s uncomfortable, if the truth is hard to hear or express, or if it means it sets the pace for mass change to happen, just go with it. Hiding your true feelings only backfires in the end. You’re going to be miserable and that’s a HUGE waste of time. Being open and honest and talking things out (calmly) will always have far better results than pretending everything is “fine” and low key hating whatever situation you’re in. Yes, it’s scary to do, but when the dust settles, you’ll feel soooooo much better. How do I know this? Well my friends because I’ve been through it. A couple times actually (unfortunately?). And yeah it’ll make your heart race, you’ll have some anxiety about it and you may or may not feel like you want to puke, but once you’ve dealt with it and were able to come to a better conclusion, you’ll forget about those yucky feelings you had in the beginning. It’s well worth it. Unless of course you can tackle these kinds of things without feeling like a mess to begin with, then well…I applaud you (please teach me your ways).

We’re not meant to be robots. No matter how hard we try, thoughts and feelings pop up because we are meant to deal with them and learn from them. Sure, by all means you can try to suppress them. Go right ahead. But trust me when I say this…THEY WILL COME BACK and probably with a vengeance because you mixed them all together with other things you didn’t want to deal with (again…two words: Shit. Storm). So do yourself a favour and if there’s something nagging you or something you need to get off your chest, go to someone you trust, hire a counselor/therapist or take a bottle of wine over to your friends to vent over, just don’t keep that crap in. Our time should be spent enjoying our lives and being happy (I know, that’s so “millennial” of me), but seriously, you will waste a lot of time if you’re constantly trying to deal with things on your own and feeling anxious/sad/unhappy/lonely/angry etc. Address these emotions, find out why you’re feeling this way (maybe you already know why) and open up to someone who can offer you advice or help. Then follow through. You don’t have to struggle on your own, I know it can be a pride/ego thing sometimes, but set that aside and if you need to cry, then cry. You’ll be amazed at how many will come to you and say “Why didn’t you come to me when you needed help” and they will genuinely feel bad that you didn’t see them as an outlet. So find that person or people and tell them you need to talk/vent/rant whatever and I promise you won’t regret it. You need those kinds of people in your life and you will be grateful for them during those tough times.

So thank you to those who I have “vented” to in the last little while, you guys are the real MVP’s…you know you who are…and know that I’m here as well if you ever need anything. Plus, I’m really good at giving hugs…so there’s that.

Anways, be kind and remember, you’re only human and you’re doing great.



In All Honesty…

Okay so this has been nagging at me. I realize I haven’t been completely honest, especially with my writing and thoughts on here. I keep a journal at home where I write everything and anything, with no holding back. I love it. It’s freeing and I always feel a sense of relief when I am done (I highly suggest doing this, especially if you’re in a piss poor mood or have a lot to get off your chest). Now, I’ve wanted to write like that on here for a long time. Probably since I started this blog. But alas, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because of fear (big surprise) of unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings, offending someone, coming across too harsh or blunt and all those wonderful kinds of things. By keeping things semi-vague and “general” I realize I haven’t been true to myself and it’s making it harder for me to write something that I am happy with. Like my last post. It was mediocre. I tried to keep it less personal and more audience based, so that it would fit a broader group of people. And I wasn’t a huge fan of it. I find I receive better reviews and comments on the more “emotional & real” posts and those are the ones that stir up some kind of fire-y passion and excitement. Plus, they are also the ones I like to write the most. They usually end up being brought to life because I’m feeling excited, fed up, extra confident and proud or any other intense emotion, which then correlates into having the zero f*cks given attitude and a blog post expressing my latest thoughts (rants?).

Be Fearlessly Authentic β€” June Letters Studio

Obviously the thought of writing something on the internet for all to see is a bit concerning, especially when it comes to certain topics, so that’s probably been my biggest “be careful” reminder. BUT I want to be real, I want to talk about what’s on my mind, going on in my life and make it as relatable as possible. If that sometimes means I drop an f-bomb or convey my true emotions, then so be it. I always feel like I’m being too careful when it comes to my blog posts and for me, it’s just not authentic. I always worry about what people will think, if I’ll be judged for having a “cut the shit” attitude or be perceived as something I am not. But I suppose at the end of the day, all of that will happen no matter if I write on here or not. Whether people like me or they don’t, if they’re reading my blog, they’re a fan just like everybody else.

I own every ounce of who I am. The only thing more free is being able to own that you're not always excepted or understood by all. I'm completely okay with that :)

The people I admire the most are the ones who are completely and truly themselves. They don’t care what people will or do think about them. They never hold back and they always mean what they say. They showcase their flaws, are open about who they are and don’t give two shits whether someone thinks they’re being “too much” or “not enough”.Β  They live with no regrets, just straight up honesty and truth. And I want that. I want to be able to out right say that sometimes I feel like a crap Mom because my kid will only eat carbs and cheese for supper 9 times out of 10, or the fact that sometimes I’ll attempt to watch a romantic comedy and my emotions will range from “WHY CAN’T I FIND A LOVE LIKE THAT” all while ugly crying to “those fools, love is for idiots” all while planning my future of no commitments. OR that half the time I have no idea what the hell I’m doing and I’m hoping to just fake it until I make it. It’s things like that that I want to start expressing. We (I) get so caught up on seeing all the “perfect” lives on social media and I have had a few moments of wondering how these people can live so flawlessly and easy. But that’s because they don’t show it all. And you dear readers, are going to be the lucky souls who get to see ALL of the mysteries in my life *cue nervous laughter*.

I’m not setting out to disrespect anyone, call anyone out personally or create chaos. I just want to simply write what I feel and feel what I write. So I guess this is just a “warning” for all future posts that they will be much more personal and REAL. Before, I tried shaping my experiences into a tone that could be applied to anyone. Now, I want to keep it personal and allow everyone to draw out their own reactions and feelings from it. It’s a different way of doing things and maybe it’ll work out well or maybe I’ll go back to keeping it “general”, who knows. January seems like a great time for trial runs, so fingers crossed you enjoy this new path as much as I do.

Cheers! xoxox


Moving Forward

Happy 2018 everyone! I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all who’ve followed along with my blog journey in the last year, I sure appreciate it.

Now that we’re officially into 2018 and settling back into a routine I find it’s been much easier to set my sights on what I’d like to accomplish this year (and hopefully it’s the same for you!). I’m not really one for making resolutions, but rather I like to set goals in different areas of my life. I generally set a health/fitness one along with some kind of educational one. I like to look for ways I can learn something new each year and for me, that’s pretty important. Having the opportunity to learn new things is a privilege and one that I want to experience as much as I can. I’m looking for ways to be a better mother, a better boss and an overall better human being. Striving to grow in all areas is a beautiful thing, but it has to be balanced. And that can be tricky. We (mostly I) need to remember that sometimes even the smallest efforts can be showcased as doing our best. I know for me (and most can relate) I’m generally my toughest critic, so this year will be about accepting myself more and recognizing that I’m simply doing the best that I can in any given situation. No more negative self talk and feelings of inadequacy. Self love is where it’s at!

I don’t like to spend too much time dwelling on the previous year, I’m more of a “look back on the good memories and move along” kind of person. 2017 was a year of learning, strength, patience, determination and new beginnings. I’ve pinpointed what I’d like to take forward into 2018 with me and also the things I want to leave behind in 2017. One thing I’ve come to terms with is that focusing on the past won’t help you in the present or into the future either. We tend to get hung up on certain past events (or even people) and it slows us down from embracing the life we have in the present day. Life happens sooooo quickly and things can change in an instant. Say thank you to 2017 for the lessons and blessings it gave you and run full tilt into 2018 with your arms wide open (I know I am). You’re not living in the past year anymore so it doesn’t make sense to keep your thoughts there. You’ll thank yourself later, trust me. It’s quite freeing to leave any baggage or less than stellar memories behind and once you do, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.

One common theme I’ve been seeing/reading is that many are predicting 2018 to be the year when things all finally come together (I’m really hoping “they” are right). 2017 was the year where a lot of people started new adventures, said good bye to things no longer serving them and stepped forward onto new paths. Now, this year is the time when all those efforts and courageous first steps are about to pay off. This will likely come as a relief to most, but whether “they” are true or not, you can make it a year of abundance and prosperity if you want to. If you continuously put in small, consistent efforts each and everyday, then you will eventually hit success in whatever areas of life you’re working on. Last year made us look at what was truly important to us, what we wanted in life and how we were going to make it happen. This is the year when those visions will come to life and the changes you’ve always wanted will finally stick, as long as you keep your efforts and positivity up of course πŸ˜‰

I hope you all are starting this new year off with a smile on your face and a grateful heart. We all deserve to have good things come our way and I hope that it does for many of you. So go set some goals, get excited for another year of opportunities and fill each day with love and happiness. Pay attention to what matters most to you and look forward with optimism to the journey that 2018 has in store for you. I wish you all the best year yet πŸ’žβœ¨


No Looking Back Now

Recently I’ve started feeling nostalgic…for myself. I’ve been thinking back to the days when I was (semi)carefree and in my own little world. Looking back, I thought I was happy (I wasn’t), I had great confidence (with self image issues) and a pretty good idea of what my future looked like (BOY WAS I WRONG). But with reminiscing on it all, I can’t help but feel happy (?!) that it all worked out the way that it did. I know it seems crazy but let me explain…

I have grown SO MUCH. The only way I could have ever learned so much about what I wanted in life was to go through some pretty shitty times. Would I ever want to do it all again? Well, no, not if I had a choice…BUT I’m glad that I did because honestly as cheesy as it sounds, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t dealt with all the tough decisions and heartbreaking moments that popped up in the last 5 years. It’s been a great example of learning from your mistakes and has given me the knowledge to have a better understanding of which direction I want my life to go in. It’s been pretty interesting to look back on what I thought were devastating moments and realize that they were merely lessons helping me move forward. Losses, divorce, heartbreak, unemployment. Yes, these are all difficult to maneuver and understand, but they shouldn’t be a reason to give up and accept defeat. At least for me they weren’t. I may have a stubborn streak in me that was very determined to prove that I wouldn’t stay down long, I knew I had shit to do and I wasn’t going to stop until I got my feet back under me. I swear us women could breathe fire if we tried hard enough, that’s just how we operate.

When hard times hit you always panic and think “how am I ever going to overcome this?!” But guess what? You will, you always do. You move forward, persist and pretty soon you look back and wish you could give your past self a hug and tell them that much better things are ahead. As I slowly (and excitedly) move into new territory with my little life, I’ve started to notice little glimpses of my past (happier) self. And honestly, I’ve missed her. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person I was a few years ago, which is good, but the joyfulness and determined attitude I once had are finding their way back. I’m finally doing things for myself (and Casey) and living how I WANT to. At times I didn’t think I’d ever get here. If you would’ve asked me a year ago if I’d be in my own place, with a job I love, back in shape and beaming with a positive outlook I would’ve told you to piss off. I was in a bad place and had no idea what to expect for the upcoming year. And honestly, I still don’t know what to expect for the next year but it doesn’t even matter because I’m loving where I’m at now. Do I still want to make changes? Of course! I’d love to work on my finances more, find a man I can adore everyday, plan an actual holiday, build up my business and give Casey the experiences he deserves. I know there are probably tough times ahead but at least now I know I can make it through them. My support team pulled through this year and knowing I have back up makes it that much easier to face the unknown.

Just know that even when you’re feeling low, have been through hell and back and are ready to wave the white flag, that you are capable of facing and dealing with whatever experiences cross your path. Yes, it’ll be hard, but one day you’ll realize that you’re smiling and laughing and that you haven’t thought about all the tough times in a long time. You’ll soon start to replace those sad memories with joyful new ones and it’ll all seem so far away. Just keep moving forward one little step at a time and it’ll all pay off in the long run. Ask for support, cry to a few friends, write down goals, and be so stubborn on your path to happiness. You’ll learn some things about yourself and those close to you and you may lose a few people along the way, but trust me, it’s all a part of the process. What’s good for you will stay. You’re much stronger than you think πŸ’—


Celebrate All Victories

When you hear the word victory, what pops into your head? A battle win or winning a game or competition? For most that’s generally what you will think of first. Today I’m not going to talk about a victorious battle or how the underdog team conquered the all stars, what I’m going to talk about are all the little victories each of us have in our days or lifetimes.

These small, nameless victories can range anything from making breakfast, getting ready, getting the kids fed and dressed and making it out the door on time. They could also be the moments when you win over your boss, make a big business sale, nail your interview or pull off an elaborate recipe that turned out amazing. These are the things that we all can encounter, but do we ever take the time to actually appreciate them or celebrate them?

KELLY: BEACH - Victories.

For me, I tend to down play things. I like to see them as “not a big deal” and don’t want to draw attention to them, despite other people’s reactions. I work hard, both in my job and at home, but I don’t like to acknowledge it because my initial reaction is usually, “Someone out there is worker harder than you and pulling off bigger feats so don’t get ahead of yourself”. Ummm…hello Ego! I’ve come to recognize this and decided that you know what? That type of response isn’t working for me anymore. I should be proud of what I have and will accomplish and yes, there may be other people out there doing bigger and better things, but I’m doing my best right now and I need to value myself. Talk about a mind shift!

A lot of times we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be better, work smarter and accomplish more, when really we should be looking at what we HAVE done and how we ARE better. I can bet most of you have made some changes for the better in the past year, so why not celebrate that?! Showcase what you’ve done, big or small, you don’t have to write a newspaper ad, but even telling yourself how far you’ve come can be a huge boost and there’s no harm in that. I think a lot of people worry about gloating or bragging, coming off as cocky or entitled, but it doesn’t have to be like that. You’re not going around telling people how much you made in the last month and rubbing it in their face, instead you’re recognizing that you work full time, run a household and still make time to read your kid a story at night before bed. That’s a victory. Or maybe you made a big move, took on a new job and have transitioned flawlessly into your new role and life. That’s a victory. OR you might have worked overtime a few times each month and are finally treating yourself to a well deserved vacation. That’s definitely a victory.

Whatever the case, we need to start seeing ourselves in a better light. We need to look back on our achievements and not just ones related to money. It’s easy to get caught up in the whole more money = happier life mentality, so we really need to break it down into our day to day accomplishments and wins. A stay at home mom will have a VERY different idea of a daily win than someone who works an office job AND THAT’S OKAY. You are not competing with anyone else. We really need to stop comparing and worrying about what others think about us because honestly, their opinions will not affect our day to day decisions. I say this because it took me a long time to stop caring about what others thought. Everyday I was constantly fretting over every decision I made because “what would people think of me if I did this or that”. In the end, who cares what they would think? Are they in my shoes? No. Will their opinion make me change my mind? No. Do they have any influence over my life? No. Take action, be confident in your choices and celebrate those tiny victories you encounter each day.

Nothing succeeds like success. Minor victories spawn major victories. Major victories spawn a trajectory for life!

Share with your friends about how proud you are to have made it to work on time all week when you’re prone to being late. That’s progress. Or when you finally get into a routine of exercising, express how great you feel because of it. That’s a positive change in your life. Some people might not seem as excited or happy for you as you’d think they would be, but that’s their problem not yours. A lot of times people won’t share your excitement because it highlights what they need to change in their own life. It’s a reflection of what they feel they need to do, so don’t take offense or feel hurt over it. As long as you’re not parading around showcasing the differences between the two of you and putting anyone down, then you’ll be fine. Carry on.

I just think we need to start feeling good about ourselves and this is one of the many ways to do it. You don’t even have to tell anybody about what you’re doing, even just recognizing it yourself and giving yourself a pat on the back will do the trick. We all have our own battles and things we deal with day in and day out, so I believe that if we start focusing on what we have done and how kick ass we are for having done it, then we’d all be a lot happier and proud of ourselves. So I’m here to give you a virtual high five for whatever victory you had today or this week! Keep grinding, do your thang and never let anyone downplay your accomplishments. You’re doing great.


Goodbye Ego, Hello Happiness

From my last post I gave you a little glimpse on the self improvement strategies I had been implementing in my life and I’m happy to say that I actually stayed consistent with them. It’s been a daily practice but I’m starting September off on the right foot (mindset wise) and the shift in my overall energy has been a welcomed one.

For some, not all, September is a time to slow down, enjoy routine and the crisp air that comes after a very warm (and enjoyable) summer. I live for the couple months in between summer and winter and I always feel like September is the time for a fresh start. That could be because it’s usually when the new school year starts and you set out on another chapter in life, but I always look at it as a time to learn and move forward. Plus, who doesn’t want to wear leggings and sweaters 24/7 and drink tea?

20 Things I Love About Fall | Totally Pinteresting

Anyways, I wanted to share a few things regarding happiness and how I used to measure it. I used to be a person who was constantly looking ahead and planning. If anything happened I had to imagine what it would be like down the road and how it would affect me and how it would make me feel and I would agonize over the outcome that I wanted. This never really allowed me to sit back and enjoy what was happening in the present moment and I always felt like I had a sense of urgency and anxiety. I just wanted these outcomes NOW so that I could feel happy NOW. It was as if something good would happen and I would immediately think “can I keep this up?”, “will this last?” “what if this doesn’t turn out how I want?”, “what if I fail?” and so on and so forth. Everything was very fear based and my ego would always get the best of me and convince me to be skeptical and worrisome.

It’s been a habit of mine to only focus on my future wants and needs and to not actually appreciate what I already have. Which obviously didn’t take long to start affecting me mentally and physically. I kept telling myself that once I had my dream job I would be happy. Once I had a full savings account I would be happy. Once I was in the perfect relationship then I could totally be happy or once I was back at my lowest weight I would be happy. Sounding familiar yet? A lot of us are in such a hurry to reach those goals and dreams that we don’t stop and enjoy the journey. We see it as a burden and another hurdle to jump in order to get where we want. Our society measures success by how fast you can attain it and it is so depleting on everyone’s energy. I never felt like I could truly be happy unless I accomplished all of these things. It was as if I told myself that I had no real reason to be happy because none of these items were checked off yet. Awful right?

This is perfect. β™₯️

Thinking about how far away all of my visions and dreams were was depressing and it hung like a cloud over me. Something good would happen but I would brush it off because it wasn’t a part of the bigger accomplishments I wanted to achieve. It wasn’t a great time, hence why I started the self improvement that I desperately needed. Fast forward to now and I feel like a new person. Do I have my dream house, a ton of money at my disposal, a flawless relationship or size 0 jeans? No. I definitely don’t, but for once I am okay with that. I am happy with where I am at NOW and am actively working towards smarter, more attainable goals that I know I can take my time with. My sense of urgency and anxiousness is gone and that in itself has been a huge relief.

I feel like I am much more patient as a parent and my time with Casey has flourished. I am enjoying sitting and playing instead of stressing out about what needs to be done for the future. I can focus my attention to the moments in front of me and for once in my life I’m okay with not knowing what the future may hold. Letting go of that control was very difficult, I won’t lie, but I can’t get over how much of a difference it has made on me. This year I have played catch up with my close friends and am finally enjoying time with them all. In previous years I wouldn’t accept invites or make the time to see them because of a restricting relationship where guilt played a big role and limited my time with them. It’s sad but true, and I am truly grateful they are still a part of my life and now Casey’s life too. They have brought me so much joy and showed me so much compassion this year that it made me realize how lucky I am to have them. Sometimes we get so caught up in other things that we forget about the meaningful people in our lives, and we lose that sense of belonging. Thankfully, they have allowed me to laugh more than I thought I could and being around them has definitely helped bring my focus back to what is really important.

This past weekend I finally came to the conclusion that I AM happy. I have a great job, a hilarious and smart son, a wonderful family, friends who care about me and I’m healthy. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I know that if I keep working hard and putting the effort in and overthrow my ego with positive thoughts then I will be just fine. I am finally at a place of peace and balance and whatever happens, happens. I’m open to new opportunities and not stuck to a rigid regimen anymore and it’s definitely opened some new doors for me. It’s been a long time coming, but it’s progress.

And this is why people are slowly disappearing from my life... don't have time for anything I don't love and BEAT for!

So take the time to be around people and things that bring you genuine happiness. Take that trip you’ve wanted to for years but put off because “you don’t deserve it until you’re making “x” amount of money”, or take a night out and enjoy supper with friends even if your ego says “you should spend it working instead”.  Just remember this: your thoughts can affect you in so many ways and you deserve to enjoy your life now, rather than later.  Happiness can’t be measured by materialistic things, and you’re allowed to be happy even if you don’t have every single thing you want in life. Start small and match your actions to your expectations. You have a lot more going for you than you think, so take a moment to step back and just relax.  It’ll all come together when it needs to.




Improve Yo Self

In this past month there has been a lot going on in my quiet little world. Things that have taken me by surprise as well as a few frustrations and optimal learning moments. From these situations, I came to the conclusion that it was time to do some self improvement. Because really, you can’t go wrong when you want to better yourself. Right??

The way I was feeling and reacting to these “new” circumstances, which were definitely ones I’ve encountered before, was a bit concerning and I noticed a very common theme. I was stuck in a thought pattern and it wasn’t helping me anymore. It was like I had an epiphany. I realized that I had been dealing with things in the same way for the last 10 years and it obviously wasn’t serving me well anymore. It was very clear that when I was faced with a difficult situation I would immediately respond in the same way I had been for years. I would overthink, create scenarios based on fear in my mind and let it consume my life. It wasn’t until I actually sat down and thought about why I was feeling so emotional that I realized it wasn’t the circumstances that were making me feel this way, it was my initial reactions and behaviours that were. 

It felt like I had been dealing with the same things over and over and finally it dawned on me. These situations will keep happening until I change how I deal with them. Seems so simple, yet it was something I never realized until now. You will be thrown the same things in life until you learn to properly overcome them and heal from them. It was quite obvious that I could not move on from certain things because I had never fully dealt with them in the past. It was quite an “AHA” moment. 

Take a second and think back to significant events in your life. Do you see a pattern? Do you notice that there’s a few that are oddly similar and that you basically reacted the same way during each event? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we get very programmed to respond in the only ways we know how to. Often we’re taught how to act when faced with a difficult situation and that becomes the basis for the rest of our lives. We also get very stuck into habits because they’re familiar and comfortable to us, even if they are detrimental. 

Making changes in how we think and act is usually pretty uncomfortable, so a lot of times people just avoid it completely. Nobody wants to face their flaws and open up a decades worth of emotions. It’s just human nature. Call it self preservation if you will, but nobody wants to let down their walls and come face to face with their biggest fears. But guess what? In order to grow and get the most out of life, you’re going to have to do it. You can’t heal and move on from something when it’s been suppressed and it will always be there until you finally decide to tackle it head on. As hard as you may try to tuck it away and not think about it, it will always come back up, whether that’s in the situations or people you encounter throughout your life. Until you make the effort to change your self engrained habits and thought processes, you will never overcome them. Yes, it’s scary, but it’s worth it. 

Now I wouldn’t be telling you this without having done so myself. I’ll be the first to admit that yes, it’s very uncomfortable to deal with fears and old wounds, and that it definitely doesn’t happen overnight. You have to actively work on it each and every day and slowly pick away at it. It definitely makes you emotional, but once you notice even the slightest shift in your energy, it starts to make it feel pretty worth while. You’re going to have to forgive people you may not have wanted to before, you might have to make peace with situations you buried away, and you might have to let go of a few things so that they can properly play out without your interference. It’s a major change to deal with and go through, so be mindful that you have to be ready for it before you dive in. Be prepared to have your world shook up for a while, but know that in the end, when the work and healing is done, you’ll be at peace and will start seeing and encountering all the positive things that were meant for you. 

I know I have a long road ahead of me but I’m so glad that I started. You can change your outcome if you take the time to release the feelings and energies that no longer serve you. Get rid of those toxic thought patterns and behaviours and actively work towards the outcome that you want. Reiki, meditation, energy clearing, all those kinds of things can help, but ultimately it comes down to you and how much you want to create a different story for yourself. You can keep replaying the same things over and over OR you can start now and adopt healthy coping skills and overcome the things that shake you to your core. The choice is yours πŸ’ž 


Independent TendenciesΒ 

If you’re someone who likes to go about things on your own and who generally doesn’t need (or want) help from others, then we have something in common. Do you find that you don’t rely on a lot of people because you know you can do things by yourself? If so, then welcome to the club.

 I’m here to talk about what it’s like to be super independent and driven and how it can sometimes affect the things/people around you. I know there’s others out there like me so I’m writing this to say that “I GET IT”, I’m with you and I understand your self sufficient (sometimes overwhelming) ways. 

For some (not all), once you’re in the habit of doing things for yourself and by yourself, it’s tough to change your tendencies and see the overall effects of your independence on others and the situations you come into contact with. Most of the time when you’re fiercely self reliant you tackle things head on and almost get tunnel vision when you set your sights on what you want. For me, I find that I have no problem diving into things at full speed and I’m realizing now that to a lot of people, it can be overwhelming and shocking to them when this plays out. Oops. 

Us go-getters usually have an easy sense of knowing what we want and when we want it and sometimes we forget the word “patience”…which can be a bit troublesome. We are generally so used to accomplishing things quickly because we’ll work our asses off for it non-stop until it’s done and sometimes it’s hard for us to comprehend that some things just take time and can’t be done or figured out overnight. To people who like to analyze things and take their time to weigh out options, this approach can come across as severe and overbearing, and it’s definitely not intentional from our side of things. We just always have a sense of urgency and base our successes on the timeline created in our minds, whether it’s realistic or not. 

A lot of people who are self reliant also possess a bit of a Type A personality and I’m definitely no exception. I know that I can be outgoing, competitive and somewhat assertive and I try to do a million things at once. As hard as I try to keep it all altogether, it doesn’t take long for cracks to start forming. Balancing things has never been my strong suit and I get easily consumed with focusing my time and energy on one main priority, all the while juggling five other things. It’s exhausting and yet another learning curve for me. Which, yes I’m working on…slowly. 

When you spend a lot of time alone (I’m all about that hermit life), it’s easy to want to fill your time up with as much as possible and focus in on your goals and fantasies. It consumes us, and it’s really no fault of our own, it’s just how we are. We often make our minds up right away of how we want things to play out and we often don’t think about the outside factors that might come into affect. Everything is usually full speed ahead until reality kicks in and stops us in our tracks, and I’m telling you from experience that it’s a tough pill to swallow. When you’re super self-sufficient you often only think about how YOU will attain your goal and unfortunately you don’t always take other people into consideration. Which again, is never on purpose and when we recognize it, we usually feel bad about it. It’s easy for us to think that others share the same mindset as we do and that usually causes some friction and miscommunication. 

Taking this into consideration and recognizing it, has given me (and hopefully others) the chance to gain some clarity on our ways and it can teach us how to reel our actions in and use them to their full potential. I know that I need to practice patience and trust the timing of things more often and that I need to quit getting ahead of myself. It’s a slow process but learning to take a step back can sometimes pay off in the long run. More often than not we have a picture in our minds of how we WANT things to be and we get very discouraged when those visions don’t materialize right away or if at all. It’s taken me a long time to learn that I can’t control everything and that sometimes the best thing you can do is loosen your grip and hope for the best. 

So to all you independent, focused, freewheeling people out there, I get you and I hope that you take the time to see things from other people’s points of views because sometimes they can offer a lot of insight. There’s always different ways to improve upon yourself and I hope you all take the time to do so, no matter your personality. Yes, it’s great to be self sufficient but sometimes you need to relax and learn to let things play out. You cannot control each and every event that comes into your life, and that’s OKAY. Learn to breathe, trust the process and allow things to happen how they’re supposed to. Yes, it can be difficult, but periods of growth and change usually are and they’re definitely worth it in the end.